How to Spot an Opportunist - The Quiz

The word opportunist has terrible public relations. It arrives wearing a suspicious little trench coat, glances around the room, and asks who owns the unattended handbag. We rarely use it to describe someone who simply notices an opening. We use it when the noticing feels a little too fast, the smile lasts a little too long, or somebody appears exactly three minutes after the hard part is over.

But spotting an opportunist is harder than spotting ambition. Ambitious people move toward possibilities. Resourceful people notice useful openings. Socially brave people introduce themselves, ask for the invitation, take the available seat, and occasionally receive rewards that make everyone who stayed politely against the wall feel spiritually inconvenienced.

None of that is automatically bad.

A healthy opportunist sees a moment and helps make it more valuable but a harmful opportunist sees a moment and starts calculating what can be removed before anyone notices the furniture is lighter. Both may be charming. Both may move quickly. Both may benefit. The difference is not whether they gained something. The difference is what happened to everyone else while they were gaining it.

So let us settle this using the most rigorous instrument available to modern philosophy: a glossy-magazine personality quiz.

Choose the answer that best describes the person you are assessing. Do not choose the answer that matches their explanation of themselves. Choose the answer that matches the pattern. This quiz is not clinically validated, legally binding, or admissible at Thanksgiving. It is, however, more useful than deciding based entirely on whether they have excellent hair.

The Quiz